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Copy write

Marc de Groot
Lost from the world 8/8/4

I've seen fire and I've seen rain 
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end 
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend 
But I always thought that I'd see you again.
                              James Taylor

I was perhaps 12 or 13 years old when I met Marc (Aka Davka).
My best friend Hester Anson and I lived in Berkeley California, it was the late 70's. Once in awhile Hester's older brother Jeremy introduced us to some of his cool friends. One of these was David de Groot. David was super smart, very kind and gentle in nature. Hester and I both liked David a lot and wanted to hang out with him. Jeremy promptly ordered us not to be friends or even like David.

One night, I can't remember how, I ended up at David's house. I am not sure Hester was even there. David was showing off his 8 track music in an electronics room, upstairs in his house. Was it an attic room off his bedroom?

In walked Marc! Oh shazam! He had big deep eyes, a wonderful voice and was terribly cute. As it turned out. Marc was just as extraordinarily intelligent as David was. Both brothers were fascinating to me. Marc was also David's older brother, and very unattainable for me as just a kid. Marc seemed in-tuned to himself, self actualized, centered. He was so incredibly vibrant. His eyes... he was almost coquettish with them. He must have known immediately, his effect on me. He was the kind of guy I found and still find irresistible.

Marc had a charisma and intelligence that made people want to be near him. He was much older then me, at least 4 years! (an age difference that is trivial now). Marc was much more self aware then I was. I remember once he teased me with questions about how my brain worked and my inner most workings, questions that at my young age I wasn't equipped to answer. His eyes sparkled with amusement. I believe this conversation occurred in his dining room. It was daylight... were there white curtains on the windows?
I am not sure where the other kids were. I am not sure why I would have had the opportunity to be alone with this young man I was so terribly attracted too. Perhaps I had contrived to do so. He told me a bit about his initiation into the group he was involved with (was it EST?). I told him that it didn't sound like fun at all. But his face glowed as he talked about it.

I hadn't known his family had lived in France until that day. He said things in French to me that I did not understand, but interpreted as gentle teasing. I remember telling him I liked him. He was tender and kind to me, he gently reminded me that I was too young, and that he would loose all his appeal once I attained him. He was of course a complete gentleman. I think he kissed my forehead.

I saw Marc infrequently after age 14 or so. I also started getting into trouble. My parents sent me away to boarding school. Later I ran away. I ended up at 15+ years old, living in my own apartment, paid for by my parents. I lived in Berkeley and later moved to the Height Ashbury in San Francisco, where by some miracle I graduated from Urban High School. I had unfortunately cut myself off from all my old friends and never saw Marc or David again.
Maybe if I hadn't been so broken, Marc and I would have grown closer.

Through the years, I still thought about my friends from that era of my life. We had a name for our group, The Muffin Family. I missed the special closeness I had with many of them. I am 40 years old now, living in Portland Oregon. I work as a post-surgical RN at the Veteran's Medical Center here. I've completed my BSN and I like to think that I am not so broken now as I was then.

Starting around the beginning of August of this year, 2004. I started thinking of David, a lot. It was nagging me. A couple days ago, I did a google search for him and found his web page. I found one of my first boyfriends (Steve Goldsmith) was one of Marc's best friends. I also found an obituary for Marc, who was recently calling himself Davka.

He is gone. He is really gone from us. What if? What if!?

I was devastated. Isn't it odd? I had not seen him in over 20 years. Suddenly regret hit me deeply. My chest ached, my eyes watered. Many questions hit me. Our age difference was nothing now. I missed the boat. I missed his life. His growing up. His loves, his strivings.

Marc is gone.

God's Speed Marc,
Your long lost friend Rebecca (Lundin) Bryant
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9/14/04 RebaWho